When To Leave A Lying Spouse Who Is Destroying Your Marriage?

Nikethana. N
Nikethana. N Lifestyle
18 Min Read
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Unclear about when to leave a lying spouse? We’ll help you make a rational decision.  In this article, let us explore why your spouse constantly lies to you and when to leave them. Without further delay, let’s get started. 

1. Who is a Lying Spouse?

A lying spouse is basically someone who lies and hides something from you.  They usually give contradictory statements and make you feel guilty.  If your spouse is lying, it might threaten your relationship and marriage, leading to separation and divorce.  Though they might apologize, it might take some time to rebuild trust. Whether you want to know when to leave a lying spouse, read on!

2. Lies-The Marriage Breaker

Let’s face it. Every person lies from time to time.  From casually lying about the 10th drink they had last night to covering up the mess made in the kitchen, it is totally understandable.  Yet, assuming that your spouse lies constantly without any remorse, your marriage might implode. 

Your marriage will make or break depending on the lies told.  When they lie about being lazy or if they skip the household chores, it is quite common. You can talk and resolve the issues.  Still, if your spouse utters repeated lies, you have every right to be worried. 

When To Leave A Lying Spouse
By Emma Bausso on Pexels

3. Why is My Spouse Lying to Me?

According to a research study, couples lie to each other three times a week to be the perfect partner and to maintain happy relationships. Your spouse lies to you as they could be afraid of you and are not trusting you fully. 

Most partners lie a lot to their significant other when they have an affair or have done a one-night stand.  They cook up false stories, gaslighting their partner to believe it, just to live a double life.  

To know why, browse through the 5 reasons why your partner is lying to you. 

3.1. To Keep the Marriage Intact

Partners often lie to their other halves to protect them from the ‘truth’.  They hide things, feeling ashamed or embarrassed.  For instance, your partner is a shopping addict and splurges on aimlessly.  You might have staged an intervention and blackmailed them to call off the marriage. 

They would not have changed, and to prevent getting embarrassed, your spouse has started lying to you to cover their tracks. Marriage is fixed with healthy expectations, so they lie to keep this intact.

How To Get Your Husband To Stop Lying To You

3.2. To Avoid Their Ego Getting Hurt!

Ego, the devil in any relationship, is the main reason your spouse might be lying to you. Your spouse knows that they are at fault but lie and dodge the situation to protect their ego.  Let’s assume your partner is a drunkard who is not seeking professional help.  Instead of addressing the situation head-on, they dodge and lie to their partners to protect their egos from getting hurt. 

3.3. To Hold Secrets

This is the most basic reason why your spouse is lying to you.  The secret might be anything: family problems,  financial problems, a one-night stand, or even an affair. 

Your spouse lies constantly to ensure their secrets are not revealed because they don’t want to hurt you by revealing the truth. These are called ‘white lies’, which may cause serious problems in the future, and the truth will always come out eventually.

Why Do Spouses Lie To Each Other | Paul Friedman

3.4. To Steer Clear From Confrontation

Your spouse lies to you to avoid unpleasant fighting because they are tired of having disputes and just lie to avoid a conversation.  When your partner lies just to avoid a confrontation, you must analyze why they lie to you. 

3.5. To Maintain Good Reputation

Basic psychology is that people lie to look cool in society.  So is the same with relationships.  Your spouse might lie to you just to look cool and have a good reputation.  It is actually the warning signs that they are emotionally manipulating you to believe the lies. 

4. How to Find Out That My Spouse is Lying to Me?

You will have doubts, but before coming to a conclusion, you can confirm by browsing through the 5 common signs that your spouse is lying to you. 

4.1. They Become Defensive

Assuming your spouse lies to you, they get highly defensive when you ask about the lie. They try to deviate from the conversation to prevent you from getting doubts.  

4.2. Blame Game

Whether you suspect your spouse is lying to you, you will notice that they will try gaslighting you.  They will blame you for being paranoid and will make you look guilty.  Psychologically, they do this to step away from the limelight. 

5 Ways to Tell if Your Spouse is LYING, Body Language Expert Janine Driver

4.3. Getting Nervous and Fidgety

According to psychology, to tell the truth, one can look in the eye and do it. When someone lies, they will avoid eye contact, and their body language will appear all nervous and fidgety.  Suppose your spouse is doing the same. Then they are hiding something and lying about it. 

4.4. Contradictory Statements

Lying is usually making up things as they go.  If your partner lies to you, you can notice loopholes and contradictory statements in their ‘truthful’ story. 

For example, they might have told you first that they went to the church last Sunday, but they will contradict the statement by saying that they went to the diner instead. 

How to Catch a LIAR! Learn Expert Lie Detection/Body Language Reading!

4.5. Apologizing a Lot

We all know that lying means making up things as they go.  When they forget some details about their lies and start apologizing, it means that your spouse is hiding something and covering it up. 

5. When to Leave a Lying Spouse?

Now that you have learned that your spouse is lying try communicating with them.  Suppose they disregard you or ignore you. You must start making rapid decisions to end this once and for all.  A lying spouse is like a tumor that ultimately causes pain and agony.

5.1. When You Stop Loving Them Anymore

After hearing only lies, you just can’t forgive them and love them anymore.  This happens when you find out if they are having an affair.  Finding this out will surely break anyone’s heart, and the moment your feelings for your spouse change from love to hate, it’s time to quit this marriage. 

WHEN TO LEAVE A LYING SPOUSE

5.2. If They Use Violence

In case they physically abuse you when confronted about their lies, you have to get out of this abusive marriage and seek the help of law enforcement.  Sometimes, the violence can be mental and emotional, too.  Avoid getting manipulated and make arrangements to get out of this marriage fast. 

5.3. Whether They Avoid Talking to You

They will avoid answering the question whenever you confront them and try to divert the topic.  They will also make you look like a ‘bad person’ by making you feel guilty. Provided they do this continuously, it is time to leave the marriage once and for all.

For example, assuming that they are having an affair, they will gaslight you by saying that you are spending too much time with a certain someone. 

5.4.  Assuming Your Kids Become Pawns

To appear as the ‘good guy’, they often manipulate you using your kids as pawns.  They will try to convince them to keep them on their side and make you look bad. 

Counselors and family therapists consider this as a red flag in the relationship as this will affect your children’s future.  Provided this happens, make plans to quit your marriage. 

The 5 Signs Your Relationship Is Over | Mel Robbins

5.5. If They Snoop on You

As a coping mechanism, lying spouses will spy on their partner’s belongings to find out if they have found anything to cover their tracks.  Whether your partner tries to look at your phone or follows you around, the time has come to walk away. 

6. How Lying Affects You!

After constant manipulation and betrayal, you have lost trust in the partner you longed to spend the rest of your life with. Getting through this can get complicated if you have kids. You will be in emotional pain and distress from filing for divorce to getting child support.  You might be cynical and would lose trust in others. However, keep in mind that you are strong enough to handle this trauma. 

Here are 5 tips to move on from a lying spouse once and for all.

6.1. Seek Professional Help, If Necessary

You have every right to be moody and anxious.  Try to hit pause in your life and reflect on your well-being.  You are more important than anyone else, so be honest with yourself.  Suppose you are worried about your mental health. Talk to a psychologist for further solutions. 

When you have decided to forgive your spouse, couples therapy or talking to a relationship expert can help heal your fractured relationship. Set boundaries to move on from this dark chapter of your life.

When To Leave A Lying Spouse
By Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

6.2. Do What You Love, Literally

You might be emotionally vulnerable now that you have decided to leave your lying spouse.  In these times,you can distract yourself by doing what you love to get through this.  It can be anything: dancing, pottery, or rock climbing. Research says that indulging in hobbies is good for our mind and body. 

6.3. Hang Out With Your Support System

Get help from your support system, be it family or friends, to heal faster. Walking away from a marriage full of lies is not easy, so hang out with your support system to get a new perspective.  You can also join forums and make new friends too!

6.4. Burn it All

You would have a lot of memories with your spouse. While going through the divorce process, keeping those memories is like rubbing salt in your wounds. 

 To move on, literally, burn whatever memories you both cherished and adored.  There is also a trend of having divorce photo shoots to move on from your lying partner.

8 Psychological Effects of Being Lied to (and Why People Lie)

6.5. Don’t Become Paranoid

After the divorce, you are now single.  When you are the primary guardian of your kids, you will spend most of your time taking care of them. You can try dating again if you have the time and have moved on from your past marriage. 

Some people might criticize you for searching for love again but pay no heed.  It is your life, and you decide what to do with it.   Don’t write off love or marriage just because you had one bad experience.  Plenty of good fish in the sea are worth spending our time with.  Whether you are unsure about when to start dating, consult your psychologist to talk about your feelings. 

7. F.A.Q

7.1. Why is my spouse lying to me?

It is because they don’t trust you and are ashamed of it.  In some cases, they are also scared of you.  Most partners lie a lot to their significant other when they have an affair or have done a one-night stand.  They cook up false stories, gaslighting their partner to believe it, just to live a double life.  

7.2. What are some of the reasons my spouse is lying?

They want to keep the marriage intact to protect their ego or maintain a good reputation.  They also lie to safeguard any secrets regarding any affair or financial issues. 

7.3. How can I find out that my spouse is lying to me?

There are many ways to find out if your spouse is lying to you. If their body language appears nervous or they are getting defensive and trying to gaslight you, they are lying to you.  You must dig deeper into your spouse’s behavior by hiring a PI or by yourself. 

7.4. When should I leave a lying spouse?

You must leave them if they use violence, have a defensive attitude, use your kids as pawns, avoid you completely, and snoop on you. Don’t feel guilty about leaving your lying spouse.

7.5. I don’t love my spouse anymore because of all the lies.  Am I a bad person?

No, you are not.  Remember that your trust is broken, which has endangered the entire foundation of your relationship.  By falling out of love, you have chosen yourself above everything else.  Keep in mind that you are the victim here and not the perpetrator. 

7.6. Now that I have left my lying spouse, how can I move on?

You have left behind the toxic relationship once and for all. So, to move on completely,  you can focus on new hobbies, hang out with your support system, and consult with a psychologist.  Assuming you are a single parent, try taking it one day at a time and avoid putting your kids amidst the drama. 

7.7. Can I start dating after leaving my ex?

When you feel ready and have moved on, you can definitely start dating.  However, keep your priorities straight and consult your therapist to discuss your feelings.  Provided you have kids, ask them if they are comfortable with it.

8. Bottom Line

A healthy relationship, marriage or family, is built on trust, and constant lying destroys relationships.  Suppose you find out that your spouse is lying to you. Try talking to them about it.  When they apologize, give them a second chance. 

Even if they still continue lying to you, don’t hesitate to choose you above anyone else and make plans to walk away from this abusive relationship. Your kids might be affected the most. So, consult a family therapist to get through these tough times. We hope we are able to clear out When To Leave A Lying Spouse!

The above-mentioned tips are just for reference.  Hence, if you are experiencing mental health issues, please seek professional help without hesitation. 

For similar articles, check How Online Dating Has Transformed the Dating Scene.

Last Updated on by SushmitaBiswas

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